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[Dec. 14th, 2006|02:09 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Work | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars | ] |
Well, it seems to be the time for it. Following ![[info]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) thevacantstare's move to a new LJ, I've decided it's time to do the same. This LJ is several years old now and I've changed an awful lot over that time. The username's a little outdated too, no-one knows me as this anymore.
I'm hoping that shifting might give me the kick-start I need to start posting here again, as frankly I'm useless at it. I need to kick-start a lot of things in my life again actually, such as my writing, and my ability to keep in touch with my friends - I can honestly name just one of my closest friends who I haven't neglected recently and that's not a position I'm happy to be in. I'm stopping, taking a look in the mirror and not liking who I see looking back at me. So it's time to get my priorities in order.
So I need to do the following:
1. Get driving. It'll open my life up completely when I do. Just need to get over the whole 'OMG I'm on my own there's no dual controls I'm going to kill myself or someone else' thing.
2. Get writing again. Shocking track record in that department recently.
3. Catch up with people I haven't seen/spoken to in ages (that's what the holidays are for)
That'll do for now. So, my new LJ is one I set up a while ago and was originally meant to be my Pullip LJ, but that's yet another thing that didn't go anywhere. So it's madfruitbat if anyone was wondering who the nutcase adding you to their list was (actually most people probably know me better under that name!) It'll be a combination LJ for general me stuff, as well as my Pullips, and whatever else happens to be going on in my life at the time. And I will post in it. Honest guv ;) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 31st, 2006|10:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Shy Boy - Katie Melua | ] |
Oh my God.
I'm shattered.
Like, about to keel over sideways, laptop and all, and fall asleep shattered.
I guess that's what happens when you've been awake for 15 1/2 hours, been out of the house for 11 hours of that, and at work for 8 1/4, when you're used to dossing about the house all day, doing very little in the way of being productive and staying up till all hours on the net or reading. This isn't just a new job, it's an entire lifestyle change for me. everything I've got used to over the last three years is changing completely and I have to start getting used to it. And I will, very quickly I'm sure. But it's going to take a few days. And a lot of coffee...
Anyway, I am now officially a Recruitment Resourcer, having worked my first day as one. It's an interesting job - very busy and with different contracts coming in all the time, very varied. The first thing I'll do on getting in tomorrow however is organise my desk, which I just didn't have the time to do today!! It was non-stop from the moment I got in, and even lunch didn't give me much time to relax as Mandy and I went to Tesco, got stuck in traffic and got back 5 mins before we were due back in the office! But tomorrow will be different. Proper lunch break, proper lunch, eat more during the day so I'm not so starving when I get back in the evening, and be relaxed and organised. Well, that's the plan anyway.
So, I have worked my first day as a Recruitment Resourcer, and being as bloody shattered as I am, I'm off to sleep my first night as one. Night all! x |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2006|09:48 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Dining Room | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hot | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Feeling - Fill My Little World | ] |
It's too bloody hot. It's quarter to 10 in the morning, I'm in the 2nd coolest room in the house, and it's too hot. I have things I need to do today: more job hunting (ick), bedroom clearing out (spider-infested drawer under my bed etc.), writing, a Pullip pic-fic I want to do, etc. etc. But I have absolutely no energy for it. Want to spend the whole day watching cricket again like I did yesterday, except that the Test has finished so I can't.
I don't think I'd be feeling quite so bad if I had a job to go to. Sure, I'd be hot, but I'd be focussed and so hopefully noticing the heat and tiredness less. I'm still waiting to hear back about the Job Centre position I interviewed for last week. The post turned up this morning with no rejection letter again, but still no phone call. Ok, so I only went to the interview on Friday, but they said they'd be in touch very soon as they needed someone to start asap. Arg, I hate the waiting. I keep jumping every time the phone goes. This sucks.
Well, this post is rather pointless, isn't it? Just needed a rant. Ho hum. I'll go and try to write something, maybe that'll make me feel a bit better. If I can find somewhere in the house that doesn't feel like the Sahara that is... |
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| Not tagged but fancied it anyway! |
[Jun. 27th, 2006|01:49 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
Very long Meme pinched from Fyire. Yep, am bored and putting off going to bed (not sure why, think it has something to do with the amount of stuff I'll have to move before going...)
1) Bold what is true about you.
2) Italicize what you wish was true about you.
3) Add one true thing about you to the end of the list.
4) Tag five LJ friends.
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| Life, or something like it |
[May. 29th, 2006|12:09 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home, living room | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Summat Holly's playing in the dining room | ] |
Much melodramatic angsty-ness ahead, you have been warned.
Yesterday feels like a bad dream. A very bad dream. Right now nothing is making sense, I feel completely numb and disconnected from the world, and I'm not enjoying it one bit. This is all for a couple of reasons.
1. Yesterday, I moved out of the bungalow. Permanently. This isn't just a trip home for a weekend or for the summer, I'm never going back. I no longer have any claim to the place, the bedroom I've slept in for the last 2 years isn't mine anymore - didn't even look like mine when I left, just looked like an empty shell. So many memories, so much time spent there, all packed up into boxes and suitcases and taken away. And then there's the people. I no longer live with Heather, Ben's not just up the road, Jasmine and Will aren't just up in town. Who knows how often I'll be able to see them all.
2. After nearly a month in hospital after suffering an aortic anurism (can't spell) my Grandad died yesterday morning. It's weird, I'm nearly 21 and I've never suffered a death in the family, and never even been to a funeral. Well, now I have both to deal with and it's hard. Very very hard. I cried a lot over it yesterday, but today it doesn't feel real. As far as my brain's concerned, nothing's changed, he's still there. I'll go up to see them and he'll be waiting to say hi, complain that I'm too tall and call me 'pet' - he's the only person in the world allowed to call me that. But he isn't, he won't be. I havn't seen him for a year, but I was going to go and visit him in hospital next week. He knew we were coming and he was looking forward to it. And now he's gone, and I didn't get to say goodbye. Dad's putting on a brave face but it's obvious he's crushed. I'm trying to get on with things, unpack all my stuff and get it into my room (not an easy task, and for a while I'll be ok, then it hits me again, and it hurts.
I want to wake up. Had more than enough of this dream. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 25th, 2006|10:46 am] |
Just got back from the dentist after having 5 fillings, and now feel like someone's given me a thick lip. I don't like anesthetic (can't spell either). Now have to go back to Chi and continue packing my life up into boxes. Don't like moving either.
Well I'm being cheery today! Now I have a bit more time I'll start using this thing more. Perhaps. Yes, I've just realised how pointless this post is! More later :) Must do the quiz Anna's tagged me on too (haven't forgotten sweetie!)
Oooh, hello teeth, you're beginning to rejoin me... |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 11th, 2006|07:46 pm] |
OMFG.
I've finished my degree.
I never need sit another exam again. Ever.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 2nd, 2006|09:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  numb | ] |
I've got 2 exams left. One on Friday and one next Thursday. Everything's within my grasp, or at least it was until something this evening knocked me right off balance. My grandad's been rushed into hospital with an aortic aneurysm - swelling on the aorta. It's a dangerous thing to have anyway, and because of his age, that makes things more difficult still. He's in theatre for an emergency operation, and we don't know anything, and probably won't for some time.
And I don't know what to do. I've done the shock, I've done the panic and the crying, and now I just feel numb. I feel like I'm in limbo, not knowing what's going to happen and if I'm ever going to see him again. I should be revising, should be getting excited about watching the new series of Lost tonight, but I'm not feeling or being able to do anything at the moment. Not until I know one way or the other. I can't cope with this now, not on top of everything else. I can't do this. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 24th, 2006|01:35 am] |
Arggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg, I hate my dissertation. I hate it I hate it I hate it. And some more. So there.
Sorry for completely pointless post. I need sleep. Or coffee. Or both. |
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| Memes |
[Apr. 23rd, 2006|12:04 pm] |
Jasmine's the perverted scientist AND the chef? Think I'll skip dinner tonight...
Nooooooooooo! Not Locke!! I won't, you can't make me!
Jasmine is now also a knife-weilding survivalist. You're scaring me now!
Badass hobbit! I love it!!
Ok, work now... |
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| Coping, just |
[Apr. 7th, 2006|04:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Teh bungylow | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Madness - Lovestruck | ] |
I've been avoiding updating this thing as it meant acknowledging what's going on in my life, and I didn't want to do that. But now I've realised that, in order to get everything done that I need to, I have to start taking stock again. I need to know exactly what work needs to be done when, make up plans, charts etc. to help myself work this out, and actually acknowledge how much I still have left to do on my Dissertation (I'm not telling you exactly how much - suffice to say it's a fucking lot).
Anyway, just a quick entry to say I'm still alive, just about. On the lighter side of my life things with Ben are going wonderfully, had a brilliant workshop/piss-up with Jasmine, Will and Penny the other night (v. interesting workshop comments came from that, as well as a line that shall become immortalised - see Jasmine's LJ for more!), and Hev has got me into Pullips (bad Heather!) so I'm now coverting Rida and Greggia. Can't decide who I want more, but that's not the most pressing issue at the moment. I can't afford one, so will have to wait till I'm earning and save up for one, which sucks cause there's only so much you can do on the forum if you can't join in with your own doll. Need to win the lottery or summat. Yeah, that'd work...
Ah well, back to the grindstone. I was going through a phase where I'd avoid working on it because it seemed like an impossibly high mountain to climb, but I think I've pushed past that now. It scared me something rotten, the idea that I physically couldn't make myself work. But I'm back to it again now, and hopefully *fingers crossed so tightly they're in danger of breaking* things'll be ok. Well, to be honest, they can't not be ok.. |
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| Guilty pleasures |
[Feb. 20th, 2006|11:20 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
Will get on with my Dissertation in a minute, honestly! Only got another 650 words to do on the first chapter, which needs to be sent to Jessica at some point today. Wish me luck! But before that, something a bit more interesting...
The Rules: The first player of this game starts with the topic of "5 Guilty Pleasures" and people who get tagged need to write an LJ entry about 5 Guilty Pleasures as well as stating this rule clearly. In the end you need to choose 5 people to be tagged.
1. Ebay. Once I've got it in my head there's something I need/want from there, I won't stop hunting/watching/price comparing till I get hold of it.
2. Chocolate. And lots of it.
3. Singing loudly to music when there's no one around whilst secretly hoping someone will come in, hear me, and tell me I'm singing really well... (Snaffling this one Hev, cause I do it too! When I can actually sing and haven't got a bug that's destroyed my voice that is...)
4. Playing online games and games on my computer when I should be working. In fact, getting distracted by the net in general when I should be working, which is exactly what I'm doing now...
5. Taking a situation that has just happened/may happen in the near future and thinking through it in my head, usually in a far more dramatic way than would happen in reality.
And I'm tagging:
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) thevacantstare (in case she needs another quiz-thingy to keep her LJ alive!)
ruthieb
im_not_me
luluhime
obi_ag
Enjoy!
By the way, I now have a hug counter on my userpage! Come hug me! |
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| Fancy having your head bitten off? Then don't ask... |
[Feb. 15th, 2006|09:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Goody Goody - Mrs Henderson Presents OST | ] |
I think my body dislikes me. Back at New Year when I was supposed to be working on my Dissertation I came down with a bug that stopped me concentrating on my work, and consequently I didn't get any done. Now here I am again, having to get the first chapter to Jessica by Monday, and I've spent most of the day staring blankly at the computer screen, unable to concentrate, because guess what? I'm ill again! Got a cough, cold, temperature of 101 degrees etc. etc. and generally feel like death in a sauna, though not half as relaxing. As a result I've got to take my work home with me when I'd hoped to not have to do this. And I'm probably going to have to miss the trip to Cheltenham and Uncle Paul's party as a result, becuase I just won't be done in time. That bites royally, cause I was actually quite looking forward to that.
Yes, I know, I'm ranting again. But I'm so annoyed. There's just no time for anything at the moment, everything's so tightly scheduled in that if I miss even one day's work cause I'm ill, or for any other reason come to that, it throws everything else out of whack. And yes, if I'd done more on my Dissertation last semester I wouldn't be in this position, I know. But now I'm in this situation I need to work my way out of it. Isn't that supposed to be what I'm good at? Ha ha, maybe not so this time...
Going to bed before I pass out on top of the computer, cause I really don't think it would appreciate that... Night.
Oh yeah, meant to say, didn't get my gloves back. Have new ones which are lovely, but am still hacked off about being so daft with the last ones.
Another thing; Valentine's Day was lovely - will write up about it when I have the brain capacity.
Last thing, I promise; have been tagged in a game by MidnightEcho, and will do it soon, honestly! |
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| Cold hands |
[Feb. 8th, 2006|10:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
Am dense.
I dropped my gloves on the bus, and didn't realise until I got off said bus. Am now glove-less, in the middle of a cold snap, and have no idea if I'm going to get them back. Going to the bus station in the morning to see if they were handed in when the driver cleared up the bus before coming off shift. If he didn't, then I shall be very annoyed. Not that this is the worst thing going on in my life at the moment, but I really can't be bothered to rant about the other stuff. Dissertation, too much work, too little sleep, you know the drill by now. Hope I get my gloves back, if only to prove that something can go right at the moment. Grrr, am greatly irked. |
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| Coming or going |
[Feb. 3rd, 2006|01:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  gloomy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | None - library | ] |
I wish I knew which, I really do. One minute I'm on top of the world, the next I want to find a nice big rock to hide under and never come out again. My head's all over the place. I don't have any good reason to be feeling like this; I have a wonderful group of friends, a fantastic boyfriend, no money troubles to speak of, and I'm on course to get a 2:1 on my degree.
So why am I feeling like shit so much at the moment? Why do I keep snapping at people I call friends, why am I distancing myself from them, pushing them away, driving wedges? Why am I constantly on the verge of tears?
I could blame a lot of factors. I could blame the fact that I've got a hell of a lot of work to do. I could blame the fact that I still, no matter how hard I try, can't make myself get enough decent sleep. I could blame the fact that my dissertaton is getting steadily more and more of a millstone every day, as I'm just not finding the time to work on it. And the longer it goes without any work, the less time I have to do it, and the more I have to do. I deeply deeply wish I could rewind time and go back to last semester, when I blatently didn't realise how hard this semester was going to be. If I had realised, no way would I have wasted so much time. No sodding way. And now I'm here, having to do at least 5 modules worth of work this semester, plus plan Tongues and Strings, plus see Ben, plus try to have some kind of a social life. Looking at it that way, it's a wonder I'm sleeping at all...
God I sound so melodramatic. Rant over, this isn't helping my state of mind in the slightest. Am doing many Vampire: The Masquerade related things to help take my mind off things, and so here is one of them;
Yey Trem! 2nd and 3rd place were Malkavian and Toreador respectively - the two I am considering as my backups. Yey!! |
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| Double ugh |
[Jan. 3rd, 2006|09:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | None, can't hear enough | ] |
Still not better. If anything, am worse, much worse. My throat's better now (well, apart from the fact that I'm slowly destroying it by coughing) but the bug's moved up to my ears. At first it just blocked them up a bit so sounds were slightly muffled, but on Saturday night the pressure got so bad it was really painful, and as a result I got about 2 hours sleep (and that was only cause I'd taken painkillers). Since then I've had progressively less and less hearing each day, and since taking a shower earlier this evening I've had the least yet. My family have resorted to hand signals and speaking directly into my ear to communicate.
I'm fed up with being ill, sick to the back teeth of it. I should have been back in Chichester yesterday, and spending the day with Ben today, but nope, not a hope in heck. I won't be back now till tomorrow night at the very earliest, and that's only if I wake up tomorrow morning with completely clear hearing. The idea of being on my own in the house, or being out in town or somewhere, and not being able to hear properly terrifies me. I'm not going anywhere till this is sorted. But it had better bloody hurry up... |
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| Icon-ness |
[Dec. 31st, 2005|01:13 pm] |
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*points at icon* Am on a severe Doctor Who kick... And I love David Tennant! |
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| Ugh |
[Dec. 28th, 2005|07:07 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Doctor Who theme tune (in my head - watched 3 eps today!) | ] |
Feel. Like. Death. Just as I'm shifting the previous bug which I've had for a sum total of 16 days now, along comes another one. Am severely not impressed. My throat feels like someone's tipped sulphuric acid down it, my head's all fuzzy and my appetite's vanished right when Mum's doing roast chicken wrapped in bacon which I love. Grrrr. Planning on watching Eastenders and going to bed when it finishes (8.30pm - positivly morning to me). Maybe I'm just run down and so more succeptable to picking up things at the moment, I don't know. All I know is that I could really do without this at the moment - I'm supposed to be going back to Chichester on Monday to get my dissertation work done and see Ben. Bloody lot of good I'm going to be feeling like this. Please let it be a 24 hour thing, please!!!
(Hev - "I'm dying Mum!!") |
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| Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiistmas!!! |
[Dec. 25th, 2005|06:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | All I Want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey | ] |
Just a quick entry to say Merry Christmas to everyone! Hope you're all having a lovely day, whatever you're doing and whomever you're doing it with! Yesterday was ok - arguments didn't reach the kind of pitch I was worried they might, and they've behaved themselves today, so I guess a peaceful Christmas wasn't too much to wish for after all. Also spoken to Ben for the first time in 12 days - we've been keeping in touch by text but it was so great to hear his voice. *sighs* Am very happy and loved up, it's all good. Take care all and have a lovely rest of your Christmas! xx
Oh, Jasmine and Hev - I am now the very proud owner of a chocolate fondu set which I think we'll have to give a test run when we get back!! |
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